As the weather turns cool here in CT, I'm so thankful to have this tiny little boy curled up on my chest to keep me warm. We're snuggled right now under the blanket made of Lydia's clothes and my heart is full.
We're adjusting to being home, to having an infant and to once again being a family of three. I'm just beginning to process everything that happened the past couple of weeks - having a baby, being in the NICU the same time as we were with Lydia, watching E say goodbye to Levi, being madly in love with this little man - it's all a lot to process.
Soon there will be pictures and updates and many good things, but for now, we're snuggling and diaper changing and sleeping and saying thank you to Jesus for this sweet little man.
In August of 2009 God changed our lives by giving us a beautiful little girl. Lydia was born with Zellweger Syndrome. Lydia went to be with Jesus in April of 2010. This is the story of her life and death, and of our journey through grief in search of healing.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Closer and Closer to Home!
Levi is doing wonderfully! Today he is up to six times eating from a bottle. We've been with him for three and he's done great on all three! We're heading back tonight for one more feeding. If he does well with that and the two overnight feeds, tomorrow he should be up to eating every time from the bottle. Once this happens, we should be able to be discharged! We're hoping Friday or Saturday to be on our way home.
The other piece that still needs to get worked out is our inter-state compact that allows us to take Levi out of Oklahoma. As far as we know, the documents were all sent to CT today. Our social worker says that it should only take a day to get approval. Once that clears, we're legal to bring him home.
Still no news on the birth father front. The social workers are (hopefully) going to speak with him tonight. As I've mentioned before, ideally he'll sign off on his rights on the spot. If he doesn't or they can't find him for whatever reason, there will be a bit lengthier of a legal process, none of which we need to be a part of. We just want to make sure everyone knows that if the birth father does not sign off and we bring Levi home this weekend, we're in a "legal risk" situation, where we understand that the father can contest and we might have to bring Levi back to Oklahoma. No one thinks this is likely, but we're all aware that it's possible. This is often the way adoptions are done, so we're not terribly worried.
Other than that, we're feeling great! We're exhausted and really ready to come home and get settled into life with Levi.
The other piece that still needs to get worked out is our inter-state compact that allows us to take Levi out of Oklahoma. As far as we know, the documents were all sent to CT today. Our social worker says that it should only take a day to get approval. Once that clears, we're legal to bring him home.
Still no news on the birth father front. The social workers are (hopefully) going to speak with him tonight. As I've mentioned before, ideally he'll sign off on his rights on the spot. If he doesn't or they can't find him for whatever reason, there will be a bit lengthier of a legal process, none of which we need to be a part of. We just want to make sure everyone knows that if the birth father does not sign off and we bring Levi home this weekend, we're in a "legal risk" situation, where we understand that the father can contest and we might have to bring Levi back to Oklahoma. No one thinks this is likely, but we're all aware that it's possible. This is often the way adoptions are done, so we're not terribly worried.
Other than that, we're feeling great! We're exhausted and really ready to come home and get settled into life with Levi.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sunday Update!
Levi is plugging along. All of his IV fluids are off and he doesn't need any more blood sugar tests. He's out of the baby toaster and into a regular crib. Today he was up to three bottle feedings. They might go up to four tomorrow, but they might wait because he won't ever eat quite all he's supposed to before he conks out. Normally it's all but 5ml, and he's really doing better than I thought he would. BUT, he still needs to eat all of his food every time before they're going to release him. It could be in a few days...but it could also be more than that. Please pray that he'll figure it out quickly. We're all ready to come home.
E has gone to court and given up her rights. This happened on Friday and it was a tough day for her. We saw her after and, though our social worker says she's committed to her decision, (and said so to the judge), she's still sad. Today when we saw her it was the same thing. As it gets closer and closer to him being out of the hospital it's becoming more and more real to her.
I remember feeling the same way with Lydia. We knew every day was one day less and we never knew when one day it would be over. There's such great fear in the knowledge that a loss is coming. Fear...desperation...it's wretched.
I know it's different, but I know E is feeling similarly. And it doesn't matter that we love him and will care for him, just as it doesn't matter that Lydia is whole in heaven with Jesus. The knowledge of the good things our children have attained through our loss doesn't take away the pain of them not being with us any longer. Time lessens it, yes, and I want so much to tell her that, but it doesn't take the pain away. My heart hurts for this mama who loves her little boy but knows that letting him go is the best way to love him and her other boys. I am amazed by her courage. Please pray for her.
Our last prayer request has to do with the birth father. We're hoping that tomorrow a representative from the agency will go and meet with him. Pray that tomorrow they will find him and he will sign the paper the terminates his rights. Because then (even though he won't legally be ours until several months from now) he'll be ours. Because really, in our hearts he's already ours and we'd like to keep it that way.
OK. Pictures!
Holding Levi for the first time!
First time bottle feeding!
Snuggles!
Love.
So chubby. So sweet.
E has gone to court and given up her rights. This happened on Friday and it was a tough day for her. We saw her after and, though our social worker says she's committed to her decision, (and said so to the judge), she's still sad. Today when we saw her it was the same thing. As it gets closer and closer to him being out of the hospital it's becoming more and more real to her.
I remember feeling the same way with Lydia. We knew every day was one day less and we never knew when one day it would be over. There's such great fear in the knowledge that a loss is coming. Fear...desperation...it's wretched.
I know it's different, but I know E is feeling similarly. And it doesn't matter that we love him and will care for him, just as it doesn't matter that Lydia is whole in heaven with Jesus. The knowledge of the good things our children have attained through our loss doesn't take away the pain of them not being with us any longer. Time lessens it, yes, and I want so much to tell her that, but it doesn't take the pain away. My heart hurts for this mama who loves her little boy but knows that letting him go is the best way to love him and her other boys. I am amazed by her courage. Please pray for her.
Our last prayer request has to do with the birth father. We're hoping that tomorrow a representative from the agency will go and meet with him. Pray that tomorrow they will find him and he will sign the paper the terminates his rights. Because then (even though he won't legally be ours until several months from now) he'll be ours. Because really, in our hearts he's already ours and we'd like to keep it that way.
OK. Pictures!
Holding Levi for the first time!
First time bottle feeding!
Snuggles!
Love.
So chubby. So sweet.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day 2
Levi continues to improve! The doctors are steadily backing off IV fluids and increasing his feedings. His blood sugar is in the right range consistently. Soon (hopefully) we'll be able to start feeding him with the bottle. All good improvements and we're loving spending time with him...even though he just sleeps. Apparently, this is what babies do.
Tomorrow E (Levi's birth mother) will be going with the social worker to court to have her parental rights terminated. I haven't said much about her because I don't want to invade her privacy, but people, she is AWESOME. We've gotten to spend time with her and chat and we seem to get along really well. She seems comfortable with us and calls Levi by his name. The social worker says E is really happy with her choice after meeting us, and foresees no problems with the courts tomorrow. Please continue to pray for her. Saying good-bye to your baby is hard. I know the fact that he's healthy and well makes a difference, but she will have her own grief to deal with. Please pray for God's peace.
Again, the one variable here is the birth father. We spoke with the social worker, and the plan is to look him up and talk to him on Monday. Best case scenario is that he hears the news and on the spot signs the paper terminating his rights. Worst case is that he wants to push forward with his rights. In this case, a hearing would be called and he would plead his case before a judge. The social worker said that since he had no involvement in the pregnancy or supporting E or Levi, there's little chance the judge would award custody. But, you never know. Please pray that we would be functioning in the best case scenario.
We would be more worried about this but every time we see him, he's just ours and nothing else really matters. Tonight he was awake and looking at us and it was magnificent.
Tomorrow E (Levi's birth mother) will be going with the social worker to court to have her parental rights terminated. I haven't said much about her because I don't want to invade her privacy, but people, she is AWESOME. We've gotten to spend time with her and chat and we seem to get along really well. She seems comfortable with us and calls Levi by his name. The social worker says E is really happy with her choice after meeting us, and foresees no problems with the courts tomorrow. Please continue to pray for her. Saying good-bye to your baby is hard. I know the fact that he's healthy and well makes a difference, but she will have her own grief to deal with. Please pray for God's peace.
Again, the one variable here is the birth father. We spoke with the social worker, and the plan is to look him up and talk to him on Monday. Best case scenario is that he hears the news and on the spot signs the paper terminating his rights. Worst case is that he wants to push forward with his rights. In this case, a hearing would be called and he would plead his case before a judge. The social worker said that since he had no involvement in the pregnancy or supporting E or Levi, there's little chance the judge would award custody. But, you never know. Please pray that we would be functioning in the best case scenario.
We would be more worried about this but every time we see him, he's just ours and nothing else really matters. Tonight he was awake and looking at us and it was magnificent.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Levi Vaughn
We met our baby boy today! Things are not what we expected, but don't be alarmed. He is in the NICU, which is not uncommon for babies born of mothers with gestational diabetes (which his mom had). His blood sugar is pretty messed up, and being born three weeks early has his breathing slightly less consistent than they want to see. When we first met him, he was breathing with just a little room air on a nasal cannula.
In the hours spent with him, he has already come off the nasal cannula and his blood sugar has already improved drastically. Unfortunately, because they have to take so much blood for blood sugar testing, there is a line going into his umbilical chord and they won't let us hold him until that comes out. But we've been giving him lots of smooches and holding his hand and making sure he knows we're here with him.
The doctor we spoke with this morning told us it's possible he'll have to be in the NICU for a couple of weeks. Once his blood sugar works itself out and his breathing slows, we'll be able to start to bottle feed him. This can sometimes be a challenge, but we've been helping him suck a pacifier and he seems pretty excited about that. Levi and I talked and we've agreed that he'll improve quickly and we'll take him out of the NICU by Friday :) It is possible that he'll have to be there only days if he improves quickly, so please please pray that he does so we can get him out of there.
It was a little disheartening at first, seeing him there. But it's all so familiar - the sounds, the smells - we've been here before. But praise Jesus, it's such a different story. We feel peace and joy and thankfulness and we love him so much already. Please keep him in your prayers! We will update as we can, but we're spending as much time as possible with him so that he knows who we are.
In the hours spent with him, he has already come off the nasal cannula and his blood sugar has already improved drastically. Unfortunately, because they have to take so much blood for blood sugar testing, there is a line going into his umbilical chord and they won't let us hold him until that comes out. But we've been giving him lots of smooches and holding his hand and making sure he knows we're here with him.
The doctor we spoke with this morning told us it's possible he'll have to be in the NICU for a couple of weeks. Once his blood sugar works itself out and his breathing slows, we'll be able to start to bottle feed him. This can sometimes be a challenge, but we've been helping him suck a pacifier and he seems pretty excited about that. Levi and I talked and we've agreed that he'll improve quickly and we'll take him out of the NICU by Friday :) It is possible that he'll have to be there only days if he improves quickly, so please please pray that he does so we can get him out of there.
It was a little disheartening at first, seeing him there. But it's all so familiar - the sounds, the smells - we've been here before. But praise Jesus, it's such a different story. We feel peace and joy and thankfulness and we love him so much already. Please keep him in your prayers! We will update as we can, but we're spending as much time as possible with him so that he knows who we are.
Here he is. Our sweet Levi Vaughn.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOKLAHOMA!
For those who haven't heard, we're in Oklahoma and mere HOURS away from meeting our new little man! The plan is to meet the social worker at the hospital tomorrow at 9:30 (central time) and then we'll meet the birth mother, her mother and our SON!
He was born early this morning, weighing 9.6lbs. We've been told multiple times by the social worker that he is beautiful and "vocal." This, I think, means we are in for it :)
We'll post pictures as soon as we get them. Thank you everyone for your love and encouragement and general elation and prayers for safety. We are overwhelmed and blessed by each of you and can't wait to get him home to meet you all!
He was born early this morning, weighing 9.6lbs. We've been told multiple times by the social worker that he is beautiful and "vocal." This, I think, means we are in for it :)
We'll post pictures as soon as we get them. Thank you everyone for your love and encouragement and general elation and prayers for safety. We are overwhelmed and blessed by each of you and can't wait to get him home to meet you all!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Lydia's Birthday
Lydia's second birthday would have been a week and two days ago. We decided this year to have a party. The hope of the party was to do two things. First, we wanted (as my friend Megan said) to put Lydia on everyone's front page. We wanted her thought of and her name spoken with thankfulness on the day she was born. We thought, how better to do that than by gathering all the people who loved her and who have loved us together?
The second thing was that we wanted to say thank you to the people who walked through her life with us and who have walked through the difficult time of her death and our grief. It was a beautiful night. It doesn't take away the pain of her not being here, but it made us feel so blessed and thankful for her life and for the people God has caused to surround and support us.
Here are some pictures.
The amazing Megan came for the weekend (and brought her wonderful baby girl) and helped make decorations and provided all around emotional support.
These are the centerpieces she made. Branches and paper flower with beautiful tea lights. They were lovely and sweet and perfect.
I grabbed this old window out of the barn in Maine. I strung pictures of our girl and Micah hung it from the tree. I love how it turned out.
Sugar cookies were favors. I had an elaborate plan to decorate in detail, but when it came down to it, I just did an "L."
No picture could capture the loveliness of our backyard that night. Micah put a spotlight in the maple tree (which we are now calling "The Party Tree") and my brother-in-law Josiah hung lamps purchased from IKEA all through the tree. It was magical.
We gathered rocks from around the yard, grabbed some paint and brushes and put them out on the table. We asked our friends to paint them with whatever they wanted and we are planning to build a planter in the yard designated Lydia's Garden. We'll plant tulips and these rocks will be used to decorate.
Thank you to all of our dear friends for loving us and celebrating our girl, to our families for helping us prepare and execute this whole she-bang, to Megan for being around and helping with everything (despite freakish fever sickness) and Amber for taking photos!
The second thing was that we wanted to say thank you to the people who walked through her life with us and who have walked through the difficult time of her death and our grief. It was a beautiful night. It doesn't take away the pain of her not being here, but it made us feel so blessed and thankful for her life and for the people God has caused to surround and support us.
Here are some pictures.
After Lydia died, I found a quilt online that was made from a child's clothes. This child was still living and the quilt meant to be a keepsake for him as he grew older. When I saw it, I knew I wanted one out of Lydia's clothes. These aren't the very special things she wore, but they are things she wore often that we loved to see her in. My amazingly talented mother in law made it for us and it's perfect. It's on our couch, ready to snuggle up under on cold nights.
The amazing Megan came for the weekend (and brought her wonderful baby girl) and helped make decorations and provided all around emotional support.
These are the centerpieces she made. Branches and paper flower with beautiful tea lights. They were lovely and sweet and perfect.
I grabbed this old window out of the barn in Maine. I strung pictures of our girl and Micah hung it from the tree. I love how it turned out.
Sugar cookies were favors. I had an elaborate plan to decorate in detail, but when it came down to it, I just did an "L."
No picture could capture the loveliness of our backyard that night. Micah put a spotlight in the maple tree (which we are now calling "The Party Tree") and my brother-in-law Josiah hung lamps purchased from IKEA all through the tree. It was magical.
We gathered rocks from around the yard, grabbed some paint and brushes and put them out on the table. We asked our friends to paint them with whatever they wanted and we are planning to build a planter in the yard designated Lydia's Garden. We'll plant tulips and these rocks will be used to decorate.
Thank you to all of our dear friends for loving us and celebrating our girl, to our families for helping us prepare and execute this whole she-bang, to Megan for being around and helping with everything (despite freakish fever sickness) and Amber for taking photos!
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