As the weather turns cool here in CT, I'm so thankful to have this tiny little boy curled up on my chest to keep me warm. We're snuggled right now under the blanket made of Lydia's clothes and my heart is full.
We're adjusting to being home, to having an infant and to once again being a family of three. I'm just beginning to process everything that happened the past couple of weeks - having a baby, being in the NICU the same time as we were with Lydia, watching E say goodbye to Levi, being madly in love with this little man - it's all a lot to process.
Soon there will be pictures and updates and many good things, but for now, we're snuggling and diaper changing and sleeping and saying thank you to Jesus for this sweet little man.
In August of 2009 God changed our lives by giving us a beautiful little girl. Lydia was born with Zellweger Syndrome. Lydia went to be with Jesus in April of 2010. This is the story of her life and death, and of our journey through grief in search of healing.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Closer and Closer to Home!
Levi is doing wonderfully! Today he is up to six times eating from a bottle. We've been with him for three and he's done great on all three! We're heading back tonight for one more feeding. If he does well with that and the two overnight feeds, tomorrow he should be up to eating every time from the bottle. Once this happens, we should be able to be discharged! We're hoping Friday or Saturday to be on our way home.
The other piece that still needs to get worked out is our inter-state compact that allows us to take Levi out of Oklahoma. As far as we know, the documents were all sent to CT today. Our social worker says that it should only take a day to get approval. Once that clears, we're legal to bring him home.
Still no news on the birth father front. The social workers are (hopefully) going to speak with him tonight. As I've mentioned before, ideally he'll sign off on his rights on the spot. If he doesn't or they can't find him for whatever reason, there will be a bit lengthier of a legal process, none of which we need to be a part of. We just want to make sure everyone knows that if the birth father does not sign off and we bring Levi home this weekend, we're in a "legal risk" situation, where we understand that the father can contest and we might have to bring Levi back to Oklahoma. No one thinks this is likely, but we're all aware that it's possible. This is often the way adoptions are done, so we're not terribly worried.
Other than that, we're feeling great! We're exhausted and really ready to come home and get settled into life with Levi.
The other piece that still needs to get worked out is our inter-state compact that allows us to take Levi out of Oklahoma. As far as we know, the documents were all sent to CT today. Our social worker says that it should only take a day to get approval. Once that clears, we're legal to bring him home.
Still no news on the birth father front. The social workers are (hopefully) going to speak with him tonight. As I've mentioned before, ideally he'll sign off on his rights on the spot. If he doesn't or they can't find him for whatever reason, there will be a bit lengthier of a legal process, none of which we need to be a part of. We just want to make sure everyone knows that if the birth father does not sign off and we bring Levi home this weekend, we're in a "legal risk" situation, where we understand that the father can contest and we might have to bring Levi back to Oklahoma. No one thinks this is likely, but we're all aware that it's possible. This is often the way adoptions are done, so we're not terribly worried.
Other than that, we're feeling great! We're exhausted and really ready to come home and get settled into life with Levi.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sunday Update!
Levi is plugging along. All of his IV fluids are off and he doesn't need any more blood sugar tests. He's out of the baby toaster and into a regular crib. Today he was up to three bottle feedings. They might go up to four tomorrow, but they might wait because he won't ever eat quite all he's supposed to before he conks out. Normally it's all but 5ml, and he's really doing better than I thought he would. BUT, he still needs to eat all of his food every time before they're going to release him. It could be in a few days...but it could also be more than that. Please pray that he'll figure it out quickly. We're all ready to come home.
E has gone to court and given up her rights. This happened on Friday and it was a tough day for her. We saw her after and, though our social worker says she's committed to her decision, (and said so to the judge), she's still sad. Today when we saw her it was the same thing. As it gets closer and closer to him being out of the hospital it's becoming more and more real to her.
I remember feeling the same way with Lydia. We knew every day was one day less and we never knew when one day it would be over. There's such great fear in the knowledge that a loss is coming. Fear...desperation...it's wretched.
I know it's different, but I know E is feeling similarly. And it doesn't matter that we love him and will care for him, just as it doesn't matter that Lydia is whole in heaven with Jesus. The knowledge of the good things our children have attained through our loss doesn't take away the pain of them not being with us any longer. Time lessens it, yes, and I want so much to tell her that, but it doesn't take the pain away. My heart hurts for this mama who loves her little boy but knows that letting him go is the best way to love him and her other boys. I am amazed by her courage. Please pray for her.
Our last prayer request has to do with the birth father. We're hoping that tomorrow a representative from the agency will go and meet with him. Pray that tomorrow they will find him and he will sign the paper the terminates his rights. Because then (even though he won't legally be ours until several months from now) he'll be ours. Because really, in our hearts he's already ours and we'd like to keep it that way.
OK. Pictures!
Holding Levi for the first time!
First time bottle feeding!
Snuggles!
Love.
So chubby. So sweet.
E has gone to court and given up her rights. This happened on Friday and it was a tough day for her. We saw her after and, though our social worker says she's committed to her decision, (and said so to the judge), she's still sad. Today when we saw her it was the same thing. As it gets closer and closer to him being out of the hospital it's becoming more and more real to her.
I remember feeling the same way with Lydia. We knew every day was one day less and we never knew when one day it would be over. There's such great fear in the knowledge that a loss is coming. Fear...desperation...it's wretched.
I know it's different, but I know E is feeling similarly. And it doesn't matter that we love him and will care for him, just as it doesn't matter that Lydia is whole in heaven with Jesus. The knowledge of the good things our children have attained through our loss doesn't take away the pain of them not being with us any longer. Time lessens it, yes, and I want so much to tell her that, but it doesn't take the pain away. My heart hurts for this mama who loves her little boy but knows that letting him go is the best way to love him and her other boys. I am amazed by her courage. Please pray for her.
Our last prayer request has to do with the birth father. We're hoping that tomorrow a representative from the agency will go and meet with him. Pray that tomorrow they will find him and he will sign the paper the terminates his rights. Because then (even though he won't legally be ours until several months from now) he'll be ours. Because really, in our hearts he's already ours and we'd like to keep it that way.
OK. Pictures!
Holding Levi for the first time!
First time bottle feeding!
Snuggles!
Love.
So chubby. So sweet.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day 2
Levi continues to improve! The doctors are steadily backing off IV fluids and increasing his feedings. His blood sugar is in the right range consistently. Soon (hopefully) we'll be able to start feeding him with the bottle. All good improvements and we're loving spending time with him...even though he just sleeps. Apparently, this is what babies do.
Tomorrow E (Levi's birth mother) will be going with the social worker to court to have her parental rights terminated. I haven't said much about her because I don't want to invade her privacy, but people, she is AWESOME. We've gotten to spend time with her and chat and we seem to get along really well. She seems comfortable with us and calls Levi by his name. The social worker says E is really happy with her choice after meeting us, and foresees no problems with the courts tomorrow. Please continue to pray for her. Saying good-bye to your baby is hard. I know the fact that he's healthy and well makes a difference, but she will have her own grief to deal with. Please pray for God's peace.
Again, the one variable here is the birth father. We spoke with the social worker, and the plan is to look him up and talk to him on Monday. Best case scenario is that he hears the news and on the spot signs the paper terminating his rights. Worst case is that he wants to push forward with his rights. In this case, a hearing would be called and he would plead his case before a judge. The social worker said that since he had no involvement in the pregnancy or supporting E or Levi, there's little chance the judge would award custody. But, you never know. Please pray that we would be functioning in the best case scenario.
We would be more worried about this but every time we see him, he's just ours and nothing else really matters. Tonight he was awake and looking at us and it was magnificent.
Tomorrow E (Levi's birth mother) will be going with the social worker to court to have her parental rights terminated. I haven't said much about her because I don't want to invade her privacy, but people, she is AWESOME. We've gotten to spend time with her and chat and we seem to get along really well. She seems comfortable with us and calls Levi by his name. The social worker says E is really happy with her choice after meeting us, and foresees no problems with the courts tomorrow. Please continue to pray for her. Saying good-bye to your baby is hard. I know the fact that he's healthy and well makes a difference, but she will have her own grief to deal with. Please pray for God's peace.
Again, the one variable here is the birth father. We spoke with the social worker, and the plan is to look him up and talk to him on Monday. Best case scenario is that he hears the news and on the spot signs the paper terminating his rights. Worst case is that he wants to push forward with his rights. In this case, a hearing would be called and he would plead his case before a judge. The social worker said that since he had no involvement in the pregnancy or supporting E or Levi, there's little chance the judge would award custody. But, you never know. Please pray that we would be functioning in the best case scenario.
We would be more worried about this but every time we see him, he's just ours and nothing else really matters. Tonight he was awake and looking at us and it was magnificent.
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