Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas!

Christmas happened, people. And Lydia was here for it! To say it was the best Christmas ever, would be a gigantic understatement. Christmas was always a multi-day affair in my family, and we've made it so in our family as well. On Christmas Eve, we got all dressed up. Here is Lydia in her Christmas Eve outfit!


It had ruffles. The ruffles kill me.

We headed over to Grandma and Grandpa Thompson's house where Lydia got some high quality snuggle time with the grandparents and some of her first Christmas presents!


After a delicious dinner, we headed over to church. Now, I hadn't been to church in several weeks, and you all know how I do at church. So, we got there, sat down with my family, started singing and I promptly burst into tears. I don't know - there's something about singing the words

"Mild He lay His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth"

while sitting with my child who will know long before I will what those words truly mean and who will meet the God who allowed Himself to be born a baby, that will really get you choked up. So, I wept profusely, but what the heck else is new? Lydia did wonderfully and had no seizures until the whole service was over, which was somewhat miraculous.

We came back home and got all snuggled into our jammies. Micah and I have a Christmas tradition since we were dating of watching "A Christmas Story" on Christmas Eve. We got comfy on the couch and watched together.


But, some little girls got sleepy and were ready for bed.



We left cookies and milk for Santa, and carrots of the reindeer. We left one cookie especially made for Santa (by Lisa!) and one with an "L" on it, so Santa would know the cookies were from Lydia.


In the morning, we went in to get our little girl up for her first Christmas! She was all cozy in her bed, snuggling with her new puppy from Grandma and Grandpa Thompson!


We got her up and out into the living room to see that Santa had been to our house! And he left presents!


Here she is with her stockings! Yes, she has two! The one on the right was made by Great-Grandma Richards and the one of the left was made by Ellie, a sweet lady at my mom's church.


Snuggling with her new friends!


Then, we packed up and headed over to Grandma and Grandpa Huff's house. We opened presents and took lots of pictures. Here's one of us in front of the Christmas tree!


Christmas smooooooches.


Lydia also got some time to snuggle with some very special people, including Aunt Heather and cousin Shannon.


After a long, great day, we headed home. While we put presents away, Lydia had some snuggle time with her new bear. You can see her amazing Christmas outfit here. Please not the adorable tights that are also shoes.


That's just a smattering of photos from the day. Lydia got so many lovely things including clothes and some beautiful ornaments. We got to spend some wonderful time with our families celebrating the birth of our Savior! Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Quick prayer request - we're heading up to Maine tomorrow. Lydia's been seizing pretty regularly and has stopped breathing a few times today. Please pray that the drive goes well and isn't too much for her. I really want her to see the farm where I grew up spending time each summer. And by "I want her to see" I of course mean, I really want to see her there. We might not be able to update until we get home, but if I can, I will!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Four Months

Dear Lydia,

My big girl, today you are four months old and what a day for a birthday! Last night was the first big snowstorm of the year. We get to stay in all day today, snuggling and getting ready for Christmas.

I’m listening to you put up a stink as your papa is getting you ready for a bath. You’ve definitely become more opinionated this month. We can tell the difference between seizure crying and just general annoyed crying. When you’re annoyed, you let out one big, loud cry and then slowly close your mouth and smoosh your lips together until the thing that’s bothering you stops. It makes me laugh every time.

This has been an exciting month - not always in good ways. You continue to surprise us and many of the medical professionals who help to take care of you. There were a couple of times this month where we thought we might lose you, but you keep fighting. I wonder sometimes if it’s just because you know we’re not ready to let you go yet. If only our unpreparedness to lose you could keep you here forever...

I hope you’ll forgive me for not buying you a lot of things for your first Christmas - I wouldn’t know what to buy a four month old to begin with, let alone a four month old like you. Not knowing if you’ll be here next year makes me want to make this Christmas big enough to last a lifetime of Christmases. And I’m aware that’s mostly for me - I want a lifetime of Christmases with you. But I have you now and that’s what we’ll celebrate this Christmas.

I know you don’t know the story of Christmas yet, but I know you know who Jesus is. He came to earth as a little baby so He could grow up and do for you what I would do if I could. He came to give His life for you so that you could live. And not just live, baby girl, but live forever with Him. I’ve always been thankful for the miracle of Christmas, and even more for what Jesus was born to do. Knowing now that He not only did that for me - but that He did it for you too, so you could live forever with Him - it makes things different for me this Christmas. Just like always, you give me new reasons to be thankful for who God is.

I’m looking forward to what this month will hold for you - first Christmas and your first trip to Maine. Even though things are hard sometimes, having you here makes everything so much better. Every morning that I get you out of your crib is a gift and and I can’t wait to get you out of your crib on Christmas morning to celebrate not only your life, but also the life of the One who has made it possible for me to have hope in a time of hopelessness.

I love you, sweet baby. Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mama



P.S. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Amy, Aunt Allison and Uncle Josiah brought over this cake for you! Aunt Allison told me that a teenage boy who she's pretty sure had never written on a cake before wrote on this one.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

In which God sits me down and tells me how much He loves me...

OK people. Time for some soul-baring. I generally try to not get too detailed about my general emotions because for myself, I try to maintain a fairly positive attitude to the situation in which we currently find ourselves. BUT, let me just tell you, for me these past couple days have been awful.

My friend Lisa described me fairly accurately when she said that I am the kind of person who, when difficult things happen, can accept them, trusting that God has a greater purpose. I don't know why, but my faith has always been of a fairly unquestioning nature. Some would consider this a good thing, others not so much, but I'm pretty sure it's what's been getting me through this time. I have a difficult time being angry for a prolonged period, particularly at God. I can't be consistently mad at the only thing I know brings me peace. So, not a questioner, generally not angry, faith that God knows what He's doing.

The past couple days I've been angry. Not the yelling, fit pitching kind of angry but the deep, down in your soul kind. This is unsettling for a person who doesn't get angry. I dislike being mad at God (although I've been assured countless times that it's OK) and I don't like questioning God (mostly because I've done it before and turns out, it's kind of a waste of time for me). But these past couple days, as Christmas draws closer, I've been going through both of those things.

This is also compounded by the fact that people are constantly telling me the past couple of days how God is using this situation and how our lives are a testimony. Normally, I'm 100% on board with that statement, and thankful to have reminders of that truth. But these past couple of days, all I want to do is turn my face to the sky, dig my feet in the ground and scream, "CAN'T SOMEONE ELSE BE A TESTIMONY FOR YOU?" or "COULDN'T YOU JUST DO THIS ANOTHER WAY?" And then maybe there was some fist shaking...

I'm tired. I'm tired of being an example, I'm tired of having my baby be the one who is dying, I'm tired of bearing this weight to bring God glory in a horrible situation when really, I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry ALL DAY. And I woke up yesterday knowing these feelings would pass soon, because I can't stay in that place forever, but I really just wanted a couple days to feel sorry for myself. It doesn't seem like too much to ask for that.

But God, oh God, He didn't let me. I went to Bible study for the first time since the end of the school year last year. I went really hoping to hear something encouraging and not challenging, because HONESTLY?! I have had enough with the challenging. I hope at some point you all started laughing to yourselves, knowing what's coming...

Bible study was about learning the difference between following after Christ and walking with Him. Instead of walking behind Him, at some point, we must step into a place where we are walking side by side, in the same places with Him. The lesson turned to how, inevitably, this will bring us to difficult, painful places because Jesus had to walk through many difficult, painful places. These places seem hurtful and we often wonder how He could really be part of them. Erilynne (our teacher) went on to give examples of Hagar and Elijah. Both end up in difficult situations, both run away from said situations, and both are met by God. When they meet Him, He doesn't coddle them and promise to make the situation better. He tells them to return to their difficult situations so that His perfect plan can be worked through to completion.

I hate hearing things that I KNOW I need to hear when I really don't want to hear them. So, OK. Fine. I get the point.

But then, PEOPLE, you will not believe what happened the rest of the day.

An incredibly generous, anonymous, monetary gift was brought to our home couriered by my friend Lisa. We have no idea who it is from or what prompted such incredible generosity. My knees went weak and I sat on the kitchen floor and cried. Since I'm not really working, the fear of the financial is always in the back of our minds and yesterday, God took that fear completely away. I heard Him say, "Jen, believe Me. If you walk in My will, no matter how difficult the road may be, I will give you everything you need." And that right there would have been enough for me.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

The boy's basketball team at Christian Heritage (the school where I used to work) decided earlier in the year that they wanted to dedicate their season to Lydia. They had warm-up t-shirts made that say "CHS 4 Lydia" on the front. We were able yesterday to take Lydia to a basketball game, so she could see these wonderful people who love her, even though they've never met her. Every time they did their "One, two, three, fill in the blank with a random basketball term" chant thing before going back to playing, they filled in the blank with Lydia's name. Their kindness and support of our family was overwhelming to me and has left a deep impression on my heart. Not only does He supply our needs, He surrounds us with people to love and encourage us, often in very unexpected places.

Thank you, kind people who chose to follow God's prompting and support us. Your gift means so much more to us than just money and I will always be thankful for you and pray God's rich blessing on your life because on a dark day, you reminded us of God's provision.

And thank you, CHS Boy's Varsity Basketball team for reminding us of how loved we are and for doing what might seem like a small thing to you that has been an incredible blessing to us.

On other bad days, I'll look back on this day and remember God's faithfulness and I hope this will inspire you to remember days and ways that God has been faithful to you.


Lydia all ready in her CHS colors! :)


Awesome boys!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Remember that pulmonary edema we all thought was clearing up because they told us at the hospital that it was clearing up? Funny story. We went for another chest x-ray on Friday. Turns out, her lungs are still just as full as they were the Friday before. And it's just a huge mystery as to why. One theory is that it's a condition she's had for awhile and that she's adapted to it, but last week (for whatever reason) it got to be too much for her. Her oxygen levels have been totally fine since we brought her home, so again, we are stumped by her. There's a slight chance (although no one thinks this is what it is) that she has pneumonia so she's been started on an anti-biotic, just to make sure.

Thankfully, the stop-breathing seizures have passed. She's still seizing very regularly - several times an hour. But she's hanging in.

Here are some photos from the past couple days.

New outfit from mom! Instead of Christmas, I just buy her clothes and give them to her immediately. I see nothing wrong with this.

This is Sarina. We love Sarina.

Lydia's hand-print ornament hanging on our tree.

We made a gingerbread house!

And watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas"!

Lydia and the final product. She was thrilled.

Super cute outfit from Cathy!

This is possibly my new favorite picture of Lydia.

Friday, December 11, 2009

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today I found out that I was pregnant with Lydia. I wouldn’t normally remember the date, as I’m a horrible date rememberer, but my mom is an excellent rememberer of dates, and since her surgery was three days previous to my discovery, I simply did the math. It’s funny how it was both the end of a long road and the beginning one. Long roads or not, it was one of the greatest moments of my life because it was a thing that I prayed for and struggled with like nothing else - and He finally said yes.

I’ve already told about the time and the struggle with my mom and the perfection of God’s timing, so I won’t go into that. I just want to remember and celebrate that day. So I’m going to tell you that story.

To understand the sheer joy that occurred, you have to understand that I peed on probably HUNDREDS of sticks - ovulation, pregnancy - and none of them had ever once come back positive. Every time a test was negative, it was a little heartbreak. One more unanswered prayer.

Micah was up at school and I spent some time on the phone with him saying that I really didn’t want to take one more test because I couldn’t handle another “no” when so much crappy stuff was already going on. I, being one who apparently enjoys suffering, of course went home and took the test, preparing to have a really good cry when it was negative. Just like all the rest.

I peed and walked away for three minutes. When I walked back into the bathroom, I picked the test up from its precarious perch on the sink and saw two pink lines. Luckily for me, the code to deciphering the test is right on the test itself. I compared and saw what two pink lines meant. I didn’t believe it. I grabbed the box and read all of the instructions. All confirmed that two pink lines meant pregnant.

I, like a good crazy person, burst into wild hysterics. I grabbed my phone and, unable to think of numbers that could even go together to call anyone, I hit re-dial. My friend Lisa answered the phone. Though I know that I was utterly unintelligible (you can ask her - she’ll confirm), the blithering, sobbing gibberish SCREAMING all came out to mean, “LISA! LISA, THERE’S TWO PINK LINES! TWO PINK LINES MEANS PREGNANT!” And always when I said pregnant I sobbed so hard I nearly choked because I just couldn’t believe it.

Then I called my mom. My poor mom. She had just gotten home from the hospital that afternoon and I had left her house not more than an hour ago. She answered and I was still hysterical. Later, she would tell me that when she heard my weeping voice say, “Mom...” she nearly threw the phone across the room. She thought it was more bad news and she just couldn’t take more bad news. Amidst continued sobs, I told her and she told my dad and my sister Amy who showed up at my house with my sister Allison (who was stolen from choir practice to come celebrate).

We went to Target to get a onesie that I could use to tell Micah I was pregnant. When I got home, I smooshed it into one of the little doors on our advent calendar. He finally got home around midnight and I told him he had to open his advent door for the day. He pulled out the onesie, unwrapped it and read it. It said “I love Daddy” on it. I could see him trying to register what it all meant. He just looked at me and simply said, “Baby.” I pulled the test out of my sweatshirt pocket (because I was carrying it around like a loony so I could look at it whenever I wanted) and held it up for him to see. It was joy. Complete, utter, astounding, breathtaking joy.

He heard me. When I had given up hope for this thing I so wanted, after years of doing battle with Him, trying to understand why, after countless prayers begging Him to bless us with a child - He said yes.

What happened after wasn’t what I expected it would be - months of worry, ultrasound after ultrasound concerned about a brain abnormality that turned out to be nothing, and then a much bigger problem that we didn’t see coming when she was born. She isn’t what we thought she would be. But she has been a miracle from the moment we knew about her and in the midst of sorrow has been the greatest joy. She is the answer to my most fervent prayers.

She is proof to me every day that God is faithful.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tidbits

We went to a follow-up cardiology appointment yesterday. Our cardiologist is wonderful! She (and our pediatrician) both agree that the cause of the pulmonary edema is probably not Lydia's heart. She said the VSD looks far too small to be causing the kind of build up in her lungs that we're seeing. Dr. M (cardiologist) also said that there is pressure in her lungs. SO - we're at yet another impasse. We are no longer sure what is causing the pulmonary edema and so it will be difficult to figure out how to prevent it. She's a tricky little girl - she never does what we expect. The edema could be caused by a back-up in her liver, so we're going to do some blood tests for that. Lydia is tough to get blood from and we need a good amount. Please pray that whoever takes her blood would be able to get enough without having to stick her too many times.

***********

Lydia has started to have the seizures where she stops breathing again. Because of the pulmonary edema, when she does start to breathe again, it takes a while for her oxygen levels to come back up. Last night she stopped breathing four or five times. It's obvious she's just having a really hard time. But, she's come through bad times like these before and we trust that He'll bring her through them again.

***********

So hey, you know what's hard? Having a sick baby during the holidays! Everything is a celebration and sorrow at the same time. We're trying really hard to focus on the celebration. Lydia and I have been singing Christmas songs and reading Christmas books and watching Christmas movies together. Would you please pray for strength and joy in the weeks to come?

***********

Here are some pictures from the past couple of days.

Here she is in the PICU at Yale. We bring her giraffe with us wherever she's going to be sleeping, since she's had it almost every night since she was born.



This beautiful sweater was made by my friend Ellen.
You can see more of her craftiness and read about her journeys in Africa on her blog: http://africa-dreams.blogspot.com/

Look at the elephant buttons!



Still sleepy after a long weekend.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Nana!


This is Nana. Nana is Lydia's great- great-grandmother who lives in the arctic tundra of northern Maine. She is ninety-eight years old and she is amazing. One of the things we really looked forward to before Lydia was born was taking her up to meet Nana. We were hoping to take a five generations picture. Since Lydia isn't going to make a ten hour car ride up and Nana also doesn't travel, it seems like this will be an impossibility BUT here, we have the next best thing! Nana holding a picture of four generations! IT COUNTS! We love you, Nana!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Home Again

Here is what we have learned after this particular stay in the hospital:

1. Hospital roll-away cots are not comfortable to sleep on.

2. Lydia does not enjoy having an IV in her foot.

3. She also does not enjoy being on 2.5 liters of oxygen. She was dried out and whistly and cried a ton all through the night.

4. For a baby like Lydia with a VSD like she has, oxygen saturations of 85 or higher are acceptable, so we don't need to panic like we thought we did.

5. When they say, "We're going to discharge you soon" SOON means three or so hours.

6. God is still watching over us, giving us wisdom and guidance about what to do with our girl. We continue to feel peace that we've made the right decisions for her.

Here's what we need prayer for:

1. That Lydia will be able to get her oxygen stable at a minimum of 85. She's on more oxygen than she has been and her sats are still low. Please pray that as her lungs continue to dry out, the levels will go up.

2. That the medication changes will get and keep her lungs dry.

3. That she'll have good, deep rest tonight. And us too.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Greetings from the Yale PICU

So hey! We're back at Yale! Yale, sweet Yale. How we've missed you.

Lydia's oxygen saturations have been lower the past couple of days, but last night she was only holding her oxygen in the mid-eighties and has been doing that all day. I took a very amateur listen to her lungs and (like any good mother) thought I heard something (even though I probably made it up) and we decided to go to the doctor.

Dr. S. took a listen and sent us for a chest x-ray, thinking she might have a touch of pneumonia, which is a definite possibility in someone like Lydia. We went and they did the x-ray, but didn't tell us what was happening (never a good sign) and sent us back to the pediatrician.

When we got back, Dr. S. told us that Lydia has pulmonary edema, which is the build up of fluid in her lungs. She recommended that if we wanted to take any action, the best thing to do would be to take her to the hospital so they could get a larger dose of Lasix into her system via IV.

Off to Yale we went. We spent a little over four hours in the ER. It's fun trying to explain to many medical professionals who have never heard of Zellweger Syndrome what is wrong with her. They come in and ask, "What's wrong with Miss Lydia?" and we chuckle. Finally a cardiologist came to see her and did an ultrasound of her heart. Despite the fact that the hole in her heart is smaller than it was, it's still big enough that it is letting a lot of fluid get into her lungs.

So, after multiple promises of being brought to the PICU and multiple delays because of other patients needing more attention than us, we're finally up here and settled. Lydia is sleeping nicely and soon we will be too...yeah. Right. They told us that the Lasix should work pretty quickly and that it's not out of the realm of possibility for us to be out of here by tomorrow if everything goes OK. The doctor was confident we wouldn't be here past Sunday.

Please pray that the fluid in Lydia's lungs dissipates, that her oxygen levels will stay high and that we'll be able to go home soon. When there's more to tell, I'll tell it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Seizure Cycle

The doctors in the PICU when we had to take Lydia back to the hospital told us that as long as she lives, we will be running a race with Lydia's seizures. Or, more accurately, her medication will be running a race with her seizures.

It seems like just when we start to catch up, the seizures (like the Road Runner in the cartoons) thwart our (apparently, the good stuff is the Coyote in this picture...I need a better metaphor) plans to conquer once again and we end up with an anvil on our heads or falling off a cliff with nothing but a cloud of *POOF* behind us. Yeah. Figure that one out.

We've upped her medication twice already in the past two weeks, but the seizures keep breaking through. Thankfully, they aren't the scary, no-breathing kind but they are full body twitches on a very regular basis - several an hour. They wake her up and make her cry, which is heartbreaking like I can't even tell you.

So, tomorrow we up the medication again. We're creeping up in tiny increments, in hopes that we'll strike a good balance, but it's hard to be patient to see if the medicine will take effect. Please just keep praying that the seizures would stop, but that until they do the Holy Spirit will be close to Lydia, giving her peace during them.

We did have a special treat this week. We got to take Lydia to the pediatrician's office for the first time! Our amazing pediatrician, Dr. S, has been making house calls, but it was finally time to go in and meet everyone else in the office who we've heard so many good things about!

Lydia was measured (which she promptly responded to by screaming at our most awesome nurse and FRIEND Monica) and then she was weighed. She finally broke the nine pound mark, weighing in at 9lb. 1oz. She's in the third percentile for weight, but thankfully, she is dramatically trending upward and this was encouraging to Dr. S.

I would just like to take this moment to say, that our pediatrician's office may be the greatest ever. If you live in the area and are looking for a pediatrician, no better place will be found. I'm just amazed at these men and women who have taken such an interest in Lydia's life, most before they had even met her. And I don't care if it is their JOB to care. I feel, at least in our case and I'm sure in many more, they have exceeded all expectations I've ever had for a doctor's office. I know God brought us to them by His perfect design and I am so thankful.

So, hey, all you at our pediatrician's office (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) - we are so grateful for you! You make running this race against the things that scare us so much easier with your kindness and compassion to our family.

Shameless commercial over. I did take pictures, but again, I have temporarily mis-placed my cord. When I locate it, I'll put them up!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Little Miracles

The past couple of nights, Lydia's oxygen has been dropping ever-so-slightly - not dangerous at all, just enough to make the alarm on her monitor go off and wake us up multiple times a night. Yesterday, we were exhausted from a couple days of not enough sleep. Turns out the new parent not sleeping thing, compounded with the general emotional insanity that we're undergoing on a daily basis is not a great combo.

Last night before we went to bed, we prayed for Lydia as we always do. Really feeling the need for a good night's sleep, I snuck back into her room after she was asleep to say an extra prayer. It was something along these lines: "God, I know that you might never do a miracle and heal our girl. I'm still working on accepting that. In the meantime, would you please make a tiny miracle tonight and keep her oxygen up so that we can sleep?"

AND HE DID.

That God. He is awesome.

In seizure news, she's been doing better the past couple of days. Since she's slowly gaining weight, we've been able to up her meds a little and now that we're a week into that, the scary seizures have stopped. She slept peacefully much of today and though she still had a few seizures it was nothing super-scary.

So there you go. Two little miracles for us.

Hope you see some little miracles in your life today.


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Commencement of Christmastime

A lot of terribly exciting things happened this week into the weekend. Before I get to that, a quick update. Lydia has continued to have seizures. They are manifesting in a new way now. Her eyes get really wide, her head and tongue twitch and then she starts to scream. It's starting to get really upsetting to us, because even though we've been told she isn't aware, she seems so scared when they happen. We would ask you to join with us in praying that the seizures would stop, but if they don't, please pray that the Holy Spirit will be present with her and that she would not be afraid while she seizes.

OK - enough sad. Here are some fun things we did this week!

We started off by going to Jones Tree Farm to get our Christmas tree! We weren't sure if we would be able to bring Lydia, but we tested her out in the Baby Bjorn and she was quite comfy! It was a little drizzly, so she was covered in a blanket and then waterproof jacket to keep her dry.


We found a perfect tree, despite the rain!



Sweet girl with the Christmas trees!


Then came the decorating. Lydia was a little tired post-Thanksgiving, so she chilled on her pillow in her AWESOME hat made by her Aunt Carola.


We got out our stockings made by Lydia's Great-Grandma Richards, and we were so happy to hang up Lydia's stocking with ours this year!



This is Lydia's first Christmas ornament, given to her by her Grandma and Grandpa Huff.


These are all of our "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments. Mine is the pink one in the back, Lydia's is in the middle, and Micah's is the white one in the front.


She was really excited, as you can see.


All of this preparation was necessary because we had a very special guest coming to visit Lydia all the way from THE NORTH POLE!


And he brought his lovely wife!



Smooches from Santa.



This was one of those things that I really wanted to do with Lydia. Thank you to Paul and Anita...I mean Mr. and Mrs. Claus... for helping us to make some incredible Christmas memories that we might not have had otherwise!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving

Today was a crazy day. We had some scary moments with Lydia, including a minute or two when she stopped breathing. But amazingly, we made it to both family Thanksgivings.

We started at Micah's parents where Lydia got to snuggle again with her Aunt Liz.

And take a nap on Grandma and Grandpa's bed.

And see Great-Grandma Thompson again!

And be generally photographed with awesome people.

(Great-Uncle Doug)

Then we jumped over to my Uncle Jimmy's house to have dessert with my family where Lydia was photographed with more awesome people.

(Cousin Jessica)

(Great-Uncle Danny)

(Cousin Shannon, Jessica and Aunt Amy)


I have so much to be thankful for. I am alive. My husband is alive. My sweet baby girl is alive. And even though this life is promised to none of us, we have the hope and promise of eternal life in heaven and a Savior who died to give us that life.

This song by Nichole Nordeman is another one I listen to on repeat during the bad days and pretty much sums up my general thoughts these days. I hope you all found things to be thankful for today.

When the sun starts to rise
And I open my eyes You are good, so good.
In the heat of the day

With each stone that I lay

You are good, so good.

With every breath I take in

I'll tell you I'm grateful again.

When the moon climbs high

Before each kiss goodnight
You are good.

When the road starts to turn

Around each bend I've learned
You are good, so good.
And when somebody's hand
Holds me up, helps me stand

You are so good.

With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again.

'Cause its more than enough
Just to know I am loved And You are good.

When it's dark and it's cold

And I can't feel my soul
You are so good.
When the world is gone gray

And the rain's here to stay
You are still good.
With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I am grateful again
.
And the storm my swell

Even then it's well and You are good.

How can I thank You?
What can I bring?
What can these poor hands
Lay at the feet of a King?
I'll sing You a love song.

It's all that I have to tell You I'm grateful
For holding my life in Your Hands.