Sunday, December 20, 2009

Four Months

Dear Lydia,

My big girl, today you are four months old and what a day for a birthday! Last night was the first big snowstorm of the year. We get to stay in all day today, snuggling and getting ready for Christmas.

I’m listening to you put up a stink as your papa is getting you ready for a bath. You’ve definitely become more opinionated this month. We can tell the difference between seizure crying and just general annoyed crying. When you’re annoyed, you let out one big, loud cry and then slowly close your mouth and smoosh your lips together until the thing that’s bothering you stops. It makes me laugh every time.

This has been an exciting month - not always in good ways. You continue to surprise us and many of the medical professionals who help to take care of you. There were a couple of times this month where we thought we might lose you, but you keep fighting. I wonder sometimes if it’s just because you know we’re not ready to let you go yet. If only our unpreparedness to lose you could keep you here forever...

I hope you’ll forgive me for not buying you a lot of things for your first Christmas - I wouldn’t know what to buy a four month old to begin with, let alone a four month old like you. Not knowing if you’ll be here next year makes me want to make this Christmas big enough to last a lifetime of Christmases. And I’m aware that’s mostly for me - I want a lifetime of Christmases with you. But I have you now and that’s what we’ll celebrate this Christmas.

I know you don’t know the story of Christmas yet, but I know you know who Jesus is. He came to earth as a little baby so He could grow up and do for you what I would do if I could. He came to give His life for you so that you could live. And not just live, baby girl, but live forever with Him. I’ve always been thankful for the miracle of Christmas, and even more for what Jesus was born to do. Knowing now that He not only did that for me - but that He did it for you too, so you could live forever with Him - it makes things different for me this Christmas. Just like always, you give me new reasons to be thankful for who God is.

I’m looking forward to what this month will hold for you - first Christmas and your first trip to Maine. Even though things are hard sometimes, having you here makes everything so much better. Every morning that I get you out of your crib is a gift and and I can’t wait to get you out of your crib on Christmas morning to celebrate not only your life, but also the life of the One who has made it possible for me to have hope in a time of hopelessness.

I love you, sweet baby. Happy Birthday.



P.S. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Amy, Aunt Allison and Uncle Josiah brought over this cake for you! Aunt Allison told me that a teenage boy who she's pretty sure had never written on a cake before wrote on this one.

1 comment:

  1. Jen - I have tears running down my face. Thank you so much for writing to your sweet Lydia here on your blog for us to see. Thank you for your sweet, sweet, tender heart. You have such a way of sharing your heart and love for Lydia and love and trust in God in the midst of this very, very difficult, trying time in your life. I can't begin to understand what you are going through but my love and prayers are with you and God continually uses you to show me how to love my children more and appreciate them in new ways. I too am SO thankful for the hope that we have and this Christmas I am reminded of that even more because of your sweet words. We love Lydia. Talk to you soon.