Thursday, April 22, 2010

This is Not My Home

Lydia and I had a visit from one of my good friend's from high-school, Faith.

Faith is the kind of friend who you don't see for a long time, but when you do it's like you were never apart. She is awesome. She is also an amazing photographer and took a bunch of pictures for us, which will be coming sometime in the not-too-distant future.

One of the things I love most about Faith is that she doesn't mess around when it comes to conversation. When we get together, we rarely small talk. This is a trait that I am coming to love more and more about people, as I do not really enjoy small talk. If I'm going to spend my time in conversation with you, let's TALK. That's what Faith and I do.

In between all of our discussions about the ups and downs of the past couple of years and realizing we've had some really high highs and terribly low lows, we concurred that both of us have those days when we look around at our lives and (as Faith put it) say, "This is not my home." I loved this because it put to words exactly what I've been feeling lately.

I was watching Prince Caspian the other day and in the first fifteen minutes found myself weeping like a loon at the part when the Pevensie children arrive back in Narnia. They feel a change and begin to realize that something stronger than them is pulling them to a different world. When they arrive on the beautiful beach of their beloved home in Narnia, they look at each other and the celebration begins. I was a mess because it was just one of those days when my soul wishes I could just close my eyes and open them and realize that I was home.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I love my husband and family and sweet girl, and all that I'm learning and know now about my Savior in heaven. But oh, some days my soul longs for it's true home.

I think about this for Lydia too. She will see her true home long before I will. As much as it hurts to think about losing her and as much as I wish she could stay in this home for longer, the part of my soul that longs for heaven longs for it for her too.

This is not our home. Thanks for that reminder, Faith.


  1. If you don't already know the song, download Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. It's beautiful...but not as beautiful as little Lydia!

  2. Beautifully written and well stated as always, friend. Your post just got me really excited about heaven all of a sudden. Man, I can't wait to see it. It's going to be awesome. Wish I spent more time thinking about it and less time thinking about things that happen here that I can't control. Thank you for the reminder. :o)

  3. Jen, what a wonderful evening it was! I appreciate your honesty, my friend. It truly is a gift. I am so grateful to have a truth-sayer in my life. xoxo

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  5. what a beautiful post, and a beautiful friendship that you have with Faith. This post both breaks my heart, and comforts it, if that's possible.

  6. I have justread your blog for the first time wow you are amazing. It is so good that you know Gods in your life.
    God Bless

  7. Thank you. Lydia, and you, are used by God to bless people like me, to glorify God for who He is, and to make us all yearn a little more deeply for our home. Thank you for choosing to bless others in a difficult time for you. It is an honor to read your story!

  8. I have been praying throughout the day every day for you since I started reading this blog and heard your story, Lydia has ministered to me daily, her story and yours has touched my heart and strengthened my faith in a loving Father in Heaven, given me hope and encouragement in dark moments. I love you guys and I fell in love with your daughter instantly! May the Lord give you comfort and peace, wrap his arms around you.fill your heart with joy and hope, I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now, but I know God will be right there to give you what you need right now and in the days to come.My heart is aching for you. At the same time I know because of your faith joy will come in the are people of tremendous courage, chosen people for these circumstances to glorify God. You have an amazing Esther